you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
