so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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