Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
