While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
