I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
