They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
