I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
