Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Two words: nipple clamps
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