Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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