You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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