At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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