I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Come see our sink grown plant.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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