why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
