Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
