I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
