Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
