made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
