I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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