Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize