Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
