Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
