that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
