I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
