And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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