Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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