I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
