i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize