did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
