Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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