so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
