The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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