Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
