i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
