Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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