i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
