my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
