Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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