my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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