yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize