I faked an abortion last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
