I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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