Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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