You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
