Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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