Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
