i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
