So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
