addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize