Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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