I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
