this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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