Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
