And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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