a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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