Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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