i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize