The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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