i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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