Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
