you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
