did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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