there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
