My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
