But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
