There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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