I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
