Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
