He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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