theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
