Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
