I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize