Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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