I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
