He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
