Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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