My first STD was from a foam party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
