taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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