Yo dont text me then not text me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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