Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
