She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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