I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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