the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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