just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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