i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
