Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
