I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's official drugs can't kill me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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