marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
