my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
