im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
