I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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