I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
