my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
