found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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