Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
