I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
