I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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