if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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