I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
