I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
