i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
