worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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