I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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