I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
