Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
