Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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