If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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