Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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