It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
