oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
