my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
