Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
